Pain. I’ve been in pain too much lately. My joints ache. Rusted, slow. An ache that sits in the bone. Every movement puts stress on the joint, pulls it in a way that is normal, yet is not wanted. What will my hand become in the years ahead? My grandmother, with her fingers gnarled and bulbous, denies having any arthritis. Yet, she doesn’t crochet anymore. Will I have the where-with-all to keep my figured moving? I tape my middle finger sometimes when I play frisbee. Such a bad sport for me. Sometimes I wish I could tape the rest of me to keep it from hurting.
And the migraines. Many migraines lately. All proceeded by the Las Vegas paisleys, all flashing neon. Or blobs of bright darkness that blot out my vision briefly. Until the spike enters my head. A pick crushing through my skull into the right side top of my head. I can stave them off with caffeine, the same caffeine that I probably causing them lately. I’m drinking a lot of caffeine, though I’m not sure why. What am I doing with my time that I feel the need to be stimulated? Why am I not stimulated already?