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It is likely that I have rheumatoid arthritis. 

I still haven’t been officially diagnosed, but the symptoms are there.  It is a persistent and chronic condition.  Which means that, it’s going to gradually get worse and it’s never going to go away.  And strangely, except for the occasional tantrum, this doesn’t bug me too much.  It’s not like I can undo it or that I had a lot of control over it’s presence in my life.  It is a part of me, but not the end of me.  Then again,  maybe my attitude is in part because I haven’t been officially diagnosed.  I can still retain some level of denial.  That alone might be more worthwhile than getting diagnosed and put on hard-core drugs.

I have started taking measures though.  Keeping track of pain, maintaining a healthy weight, pulling back on exercise when it might be too much.  (I’ve given up playing ulti tournaments, a decision that has been pretty painful especially considering that the area might finally be putting a serious women’s team together.)  I’ve been monitoring my pain meds and started splinting and taping when I need to.  Keeping track of other factors that might cause a flare-up.  But I wonder where I’ll be in five years.  How much worse am I now than I was five years ago?  Hard to tell.  I wasn’t really dialed in.  It is rather interesting to note that it was five years ago that I threw out my back for the first time.

Anyway.  I should do my weights and then kick Eric out of bed.  We’re to go up to Anne’s this afternoon, but we need to get a gift for Hailey first.  I woke up at 8:30 to the phone ringing, but have managed to get nothing done.